ONR LUVS LGB
by Snarkland78
Summary: This is in response to a House OC Fanfic Friday. Prompt: House meets somebody online. But how will his new love interest impact his real love life?
1. Chapter 1

**This story is in response to an OC FanFic Challenge on the Fox message boards. The prompt was: House meets somebody online.**

**  
CHAPTER 1**

Stealthily the figure moved through the shadows, head turning at the slightest noise, eyes wide with a very cunning plan. Soon their target was acquired, a secret, locked office penetrated, and the figure sat determinedly at the desk in the middle of the office, a laptop closed on the surface. "Oh Jimmy boy…" the husky voice whispered, its cadence uneven with a chuckle. "…I've got you now. You think you can hide this from me?" The man opened the laptop and began clicking a few buttons. "Jimmy-boy, you cain't hide anything from Dr. Gregory House. You know that."

And that was why Dr. Gregory House was sitting in that particular office in front of that particular laptop at that particular time: he suspected his best friend, Dr. James Wilson, was indulging in some cyber entertainment. It was the only thing that made sense. Not that House judged him wrongly for it; cyber entertainment was House's usual diversion of choice.

But it wasn't the Boy-Wonder Oncologist's usual diversion of choice. House suspected something was going on as, for the past week, a spring was back in the Oncologist's step; he was wearing neater clothes (even though the guy was a clotheshorse who always looked nice); and he was… Wilson-snarkier… than usual. Back when Amber slipped in under House's radar, those had been the first clues that Wilson was dating Amber. He knew the warning signs.

Suddenly House's pager went off. Pushing an expletive back down his throat, House pulled out the small mobile electronic device of terror and this time let the expletive leave his mouth as he read the screen… **GET YOUR THUMB OUTTA YOUR BUTT AND GET THE HELL DOWN HERE. ES**

"Damn repressed…" He grumbled and put the pager back on his hip. The new anesthesiologist, Eileen Simons, had been riding his butt ever since he interrupted the scary doctor as she prepped a patient for an emergency splenectomy. Oh sure, he did bounce the ball, and yes, it did roll into the operating room, and yes, it did interrupt a very important prep work but sh!t! It wasn't his fault that damn Aussie wombat with the great hair had left the door open. "I don't need the harpy on my butt right now. I've got too much going on."

With a few magic strokes of his long fingers, a few swipes of the mouse, and House quickly found what he was looking for. His eyes widened with intrigued humor. THE SHOE BOARD. "What in the name of…??" That certainly wasn't what he was expecting to find.

If he would've been truly honest with himself, House wasn't sure what he expected to find on this top-secret fishing expedition. There used to be little that his best friend could hide from him; it had always been the case.

Of course, that was before the whole Amber thing.

Now House was increasingly alarmed by how much his once-predictable best friend surprised him. That day was no exception. "The Shoe Board? Since when did he know anything about shoes? And why the hell is there a message board for shoes anyway?"

House was overcome with curiosity and a bit of revulsion as he clicked on the blue banner in the middle of the page. What he found was practically a subculture. The page was set up with topics ranging from 'Pumps' to 'Runners'; 'Cheap' to 'Expensive'; 'Practical' to 'Do Me'.

House grinned when he saw the greeting: WELCOME BACK REBEL IN HUSH PUPPIES. "Oh Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy…" He tried very hard to keep his laughter down. "…and you are such the rebel my little coquettish hush puppy." He found the history of 'Rebel in Hush Puppies' and quickly identified his 'friends' which included 'Jimmy Choo Girl'; 'Stiletto Nun' ('hmmm…I might have to contact her…'), 'Randy Solesister' and 'Flaming Red Pradas'.

Suddenly an idea, a delicious, delectable idea, hit him like a Payless Shoe truck during rush hour and his smile turned from astonished amusement to determined deviousness. He shook his head and a grabbed a pen and paper. Copying down the address House stuffed it in his pocket and shut down the computer. "But not from here. Later." His grin widened as he grabbed his cane and carefully slipped out of Wilson's office…

…only to run into Cuddy as he turned the corner. Her eyebrow winged to the sky as she clenched her arms underneath her breasts. His baby blues took a quick peek down at the slideshow her low neckline was giving to everyone who ventured past then stepped back at her narrowed eyes. "Eileen Simons has been paging you."

"And I've been ignoring her. What's your point?"

"You will settle whatever this disagreement is between you two."

"Or what Mommy? You'll send me to my room without dinner?" House sidestepped her and limped for his office.

"Fine but you won't want to…" But she stopped talking and House continued on.

"I won't want to…what??" He stopped in front of his glass of his office. He narrowed his own eyes and opened the door. "What are you doing here?"

Eileen turned and marched to him. "How DARE you ignore my pages!"

House took a moment to study the woman who looked at least five years younger than her 44 years, if you could believe her personnel file anyway. The woman's long, thick, curling chestnut hair tumbled over her shoulders in waves; her large green eyes glared with a promise of murder; and her long, rounded, big-boned body was surprisingly more attractive than he would've thought. He usually went for dark-haired skinny-minnies but she was a nice, rounded, healthy woman. The full breasts that complimented the 5'10" frame made her look absolutely delectable, even in her pink scrubs and New Balance walking shoes.

If only the woman wasn't a complete b!tch.

"How DARE you waltz into my office and make sweeping accusations like that!!" House's mortification was an 11 on the bullsh!t scale.

Eileen gasped with anger. "My patient was having an emergency splenectomy. Because of his other medical conditions he was only allowed to have a certain amount of anesthesia. Because you and your bouncy ball…" House's eyebrow rose at the even remote chance of a sexual connotation; Eileen ignored him. "…we weren't able to put him completely under. I couldn't administer anymore anesthesia. If it hadn't been an emergency we would've stopped the surgery and waited but, since he would've died if we hadn't, we had to operate with him semi-conscious. If you didn't treat this hospital like it was your personal playground…"

House rolled his eyes. "We're having this discussion again? Honey, that happened three weeks ago. Get off it, will ya?" She shot him a glare as her nose flared. He rolled his eyes again. "Listen, you have no idea if my interruption hurt anything. You said so yourself, you were only able to give him a certain amount. My interruption…"

"The dose I gave him would've been enough."

He stepped closer, enough so she could feel his body warmth. "Obviously not. He woke up because of a damned bouncy ball."

Cuddy sighed and pried herself between them before Eileen could rip his head off. "Enough. This has got to stop. You…" She pulled Eileen even further away from House. "…stop paging House so you can argue. Three weeks is excessive. You…" She turned to House and pushed his chest. "…stop acting like a 7 year old just itching for a fight. House, she's right and you're lucky the hospital lawyer talked the family out of suing."

House looked at Cuddy in horror. "So you're agreeing with the judgment?"

"Hell yes! Making you a candy striper in the clinic for six months was only the tip of the iceberg. Just wait until you see what we come up with next." Cuddy turned to Eileen. "Now that you've had a chance to yell at him, please go back to work and don't bug him again. You won't accomplish anything if you keep bugging him. You'll just piss him off even more and it's bound to happen again."

Eileen saw the logic in that and, nodding slightly, turned a death glare on House before heading toward the door. As she passed him House leaned down. He let her see his eyes roam her figure as he whispered, "When you go home to cry tonight, remember: eat one chocolate cake at a time. A big girl like you…"

She didn't let him finish as she slapped him… hard… across the face. Eileen watched his head go to the side as she ground out, "Go to hell."

*****


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2 **

After the episode with Eileen, House put her far from his mind and focused on his mission for that night: the Rebel in Hush Puppies and Operation Shoe Board. He spent most of the afternoon surfing the board, soaking up information about shoe lovers. It was quite interesting really and he learned two things: 1. Shoe fetishes were truly a subculture all its own; and 2. there were a LOT of freaky people in the world.

That night, after a somewhat uneventful rest of the day, House opened his laptop, a bottle of beer and his fast food bag and settled down at Wilson's coffee table. He looked at his watch. 6:00 and Wilson still wasn't home. Pushing that to the back of his brain, he concentrated on the task at hand. That afternoon he'd only read; now he wanted to communicate. He clicked on the "Sign Up Here! It's Free!" logo at the top right of the page.

'WELCOME TO THE SHOE BOARD. PLEASE CREATE A USERNAME AND PASSWORD. YOU MUST HAVE A VALID EMAIL ADDRESS TO COMMUNICATE ON THIS BOARD'

"User name? What the hell??" He got out of that page, resolving not to join unless he felt absolutely compelled, and went on a mission to find the latest REBEL IN HUSH PUPPIES posting. He clicked on the first topic he saw… 'Cowboy Boots'. A list of subtopics underneath that heading came up, including the last message left under the 'Cowboy boots' heading. House's smirk widened as he read it…

_I love wearing shoes during sex. Cowboy boots have the best traction when I'm wrapped around a guy. If I feel really horny I wear my spurs. LIME GREEN BOOTS_

"Either Lime Green Boots is a fruit or a woman I suddenly have to know," House murmured. He clicked on that topic and found the message had been posted five minutes earlier. No responses yet. House suddenly felt compelled to join. When it came time to choose a username he was stumped. "It's gotta be somethin' with shoes. What do I know about shoes?" He looked across his apartment and saw his orange and grey Nikes. "Perfect."

Doctor Gregory House was now… Orange Nike Runners.

Happy to see he could post as soon as he signed on, House went back to the Cowboy Boots topic. Clicking on 'Reply' he typed…

"Oh, kinky. But why boots?" He clicked 'Post Message' and smiled when he saw his username atop the message. He saw that LIME GREEN BOOTS was underlined and he dragged his mouse over it. Curious he clicked on it and up came a profile, including a place for a picture and some bio information. Surprise of all surprises, the profile picture of LIME GREEN BOOTS was just that… a lime green boot. He was disappointed to see how it lacked much biographical information but was thoroughly happy to find that Lime Green Boots was a she.

House perused some more and found that REBEL IN HUSH PUPPIES was online. He looked at his watch. 6:00. That meant Jimmy was still at the hospital. _**Explains why he's been getting home later than usual lately**_. He followed HUSH PUPPIES to the 'Loveable Loafers' topic and laughed at his friend's message…

_I love furry loafers but my new roommate makes fun of everything I wear so I only wear them when he's not around. Of course, there's a lot of things he doesn't know about. This board for example…_

"What is going on with Jimmy? Just wait until he finds out…"

House returned to his message to LIME GREEN BOOTS and found she'd left him a message…

_It's not always boots. It depends on the guy and the occasion. For example, I love my black stilettos for sex on a worn leather couch after a night at the opera. I've worn ballet shoes that day my ex and I put on a show for the nature scouts in the park. Had to pay each kid $10 not to blab but that was some of the best sex I've ever had. There's just nothing like the feel of worn leather boots chafing my calves as a man chafes my thighs. LIME GREEN BOOTS_

House answered back…

_How do you feel about orange runners?_

*****


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

The next day had been a daze for House. He'd gone back and forth with Lime Green Boots for two hours, posting messages every ten or fifteen minutes. It was rather scary for him; he'd never experienced such an attraction to a woman so quickly and in such a non-verbal way. House woke up thinking about her that next day.

That morning, as he was heading toward the elevators, House had been so distracted by his previous night's missives that he didn't notice he was walking straight into someone until that person grunted and fell to the hallway floor with a 'Humfff'.

He realized immediately it was Eileen Simons, and Eileen realized it was him the minute she saw his sneakers and cane. She took a moment to gaze at his black Vans skateboarders before she looked up and narrowed her eyes into his. "Watch what you're doing you oaf!"

"Oh is that the best you can do? I'm surprised I **could** knock you over… Fatty."

"Who are you calling 'Fatty', Forrest Gimp? 'Run Gimpy Run!'!" She was quite agile, standing up quickly, picking up her belongings, and straightening her red sweater twinset and mid-calf gray pencil skirt that hugged her naked legs. Expensive black platform pumps grazed her feet. She held her ground, staring him down and pulling herself up her entire 5'10"… well, more like 6' with her heels… height. She made quite an impressive sight, if House was honest with himself.

Of course, he wasn't. He never was.

House stared her down, quietly admiring her straightforward, ballsy approach to his clearly mean-spirited taunting. "At least when I run I don't cause an earthquake."

"You can run?"

"When I walk by a bakery the baker doesn't know me by my first name."

"And I don't make everyone run in terror when I walk into a room."

The hallway was quiet as everybody had stopped around them to stare at the spectacle. While most spectators to a catfight would've chosen a side by then, since House started this there was no other but Eileen's to choose. He stepped closer, his blue eyes roaming her face. "Do you want a piece of me?" He held up his hands, flexing his fingers in a taunting fashion. "Let's go, right now."

Eileen looked startled by the juvenility of the conversation but was saved by the intervention of the Boy-Wonder Oncologist. "What the hell is going on here?" Wilson's loud voice, louder than Eileen had remembered it ever being, startled everybody back to reality and they hustled away, leaving only the three doctors standing in the hallway.

"I was walking down the hall, minding my own business, when the Stay-Pufft Marshmallow Woman stepped in front of me and I knocked her down."

Eileen's eyes widened. "I don't believe this! One-Legged Jack here ran right into me. I was talking with someone here in the hall. He knocked me down then proceeded to verbally abuse me. I was just defending myself."

"No way! You called me an oaf!!"

"Awww…pooooor baby. My heart bleeds for you!"

"ENOUGH!" Wilson held up his hands, effectively shushing both parties. Of course, Wilson believed Eileen; to believe House would've been utter foolishness. "House, what is wrong with you? What did you tell her?"

"He told me…" She jumped in so as to make sure the story was told correctly. "…that he was surprised he could knock me over then called me 'Fatty'."

Wilson's eyebrow rose as he looked at House. "Well?"

"Well what?" House waved at the woman. He really didn't believe what he was about to say but he had his pride after all. "The woman's fat, a pig, huge, gynormous. Shall I continue?"

Wilson shushed House then looked at him as if he were insane. "Eileen Simons? Fat?" Wilson took his time examining her, clearly liking what he saw. "She is anything but fat. She's a tall, gorgeous woman."

House rolled his eyes. "Oh get off it. You just haven't plucked anyone in so long you think anyone's hot. Hell, I bet you think Mrs. Butterworth's got it goin' on."

"HOUSE!!!"

"What??"

"Apologize."

"To who? You, the Fatso or Mrs. Butterworth? I'm sure she could do better than you."

"Are we in grade school now?"

"Yeah and this is the lunchroom." House looked at Eileen who nonchalantly watched the conversation unfold.

Wilson was getting really upset now. "When you insult someone you apologize."

"Even if I don't mean it?"

"HOUSE!!!"

"No Dr. Wilson…" Eileen shook her head, her gaze blank as she watched House. "…don't waste your breath. I don't want him doing something he doesn't know how to do." She smirked wickedly at House. "I'm sure all his sexual partners feel the same." With that she twirled on her heel and marched down the hallway, leaving Wilson grinning and House fuming at her smooth lines, his neck craning to take in the beautiful curves that were hugged by her clothes, distracting both men more than either were prepared to admit.

*****

When Eileen got back to her office she shut and locked her door, leaned against it and battled a combination of angry, hurt and sadness. She knew she wasn't Cindy Crawford but to have to gall to say such a thing in public was beyond contemptible.

The silver lining of the situation was how she was handling House. She was quite proud of herself.

And her spirits continued to lift as she suddenly thought of the man she had met the previous night. Eileen pursed her lips to keep her giggling to herself. Well… 'met' was too specific. More like someone she flirted… shamelessly… with; someone she could be another form of herself with. Ok, flirt was the wrong word. They more like cyberfondled. She couldn't help it; she was swept up in the moment and in him. He was funny and intelligent and sexy as hell. She was free and sexy and someone she wasn't normally when she talked to him. It was incredible.

"What possessed me to join that board in the first place? And shoes, of all things? Tell me, do I look like a cowboy boot person to you?" She wasn't going to get an answer as she was talking to the thin air.

Maybe it was the pride she held in her lime green cowboy boots, the same ones she and her friends had found on a recent trip to Oklahoma City. She'd met these friends on another forum, and they all met each other in person for the first time in Oklahoma City. On their first day they stumbled into a huge country-western apparel store and took great fun in pointing out the obnoxious apparel and footwear. After giggling over a pair of exceptionally bright lime green leather cowboy boots, she bought the clearance footwear and now proudly displayed them on a shelf in her living room, if only to remind of her of the wonderful time she had with those friends. As if she needed any reminding; they talked every day and were planning another trip in the near future.

It was one of these friends that turned her on to The Shoe Board. Now Eileen was taking great fun in being someone completely different… yet really not different either… on the Shoe Board. Sure, she liked shoes but she hadn't been adventurous with them or with sex. Ok, yes, she'd had sex in stilettos and ballet slippers but those had been rush jobs, when her late husband had unconstrained sexual energy he needed to dispense of.

Eileen suddenly had the urge to visit the board. She hoped Orange Nike Runners was on. Pulling her personal laptop from her bag she powered it up and clicked over to the Shoe Board and, sure enough, there was ONR, as he liked to be called. Smiling broadly she clicked on his profile, then clicked 'Request private chat'. With a sigh she sat back, hoping he would come on…

*****


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

"PING!" House looked up then smiled. LGB had pinged him for a private conversation. He hit 'ACCEPT' then typed…

_ONR: LGB?_

_LGB: Hi ONR. Hope ur day is better than mine_

_ONR: What's wrong?_

_LGB: oh nuttin' just a jerk I'm dealin' with._

_ONR: o ya? want me 2 beat him up?_

_LGB: LOL. no. he's just a miserable old sod who hates every1._

_ONR: wanna have sex and 4get about it?_

_LGB: sure. y not?_

_ONR: really?_

_LGB: no. tell me about u but nothing 2 personal_

_ONR: ok y?_

_LGB: I wanna know who I'm touching myself for_

_*****_

"EILEEN!" She couldn't believe she wrote that. She chocked it up to her frustration with Dr. House.

*****

"Holy sh!t!" House exclaimed. "She's the easiest woman I haven't screwed in my life…"

*****

_ONR: whoa, slow down there filly_

_LGB: I'm sorry_

_ONR: don't be. I should be flattered. if u knew me u wouldn't want to sleep with me_

_LGB: o really? R u that bad?_

_ONR: if I was would u think less of me?_

_LGB: if u told me u were no because u aren't lyin'_

_ONR: I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of_

_LGB: we all have_

_ONR: yesterday was my 1__st__ time on the board_

_LGB: really?_

_ONR: yeah_

_LGB: and?_

_ONR: I cyberfondled the 1st person I met. I'd say it went well._

_LBG: LOL yes it did but I feel kinda dirty_

_ONR: why?_

_LGB: because we just met. I don't fondle at a first meeting_

_ONR: u dirty girl_

_LGB: what do u do?_

_ONR: I'd like to do u _

_LGB: forward aren't we?_

_ONR: hello pot I'm kettle_

_LGB: ok, ok but I said no personal stuff _

_ONR: y?_

_LGB: its much easier that way_

_ONR: do u have a name_

_LGB: I said no personal stuff_

_ONR: I don't wanna call u LGB. U call me Pistol_

_LGB: Pistol? Y Pistol?_

_ONR: _

_LGB: oh brother_

_ONR: LOL No, call me Dr. Destructo._

_LGB: LOL y? r u a doc?_

_ONR: Yep_

_LGB: Seriously?_

_ONR: Yep_

*****

Eileen sat back in her seat. What is it with ONR? They're dialogue was so free and easy. She had no idea she could flirt like that.

*****

This woman made House laugh as she matched him banter for banter. Her mind was as dirty as his. He never wanted off the computer if it meant talking to her.

*****

_ONR: what should I call u?_

_LGB: Drea_

_ONR: is that ur name?_

_LGB: nickname_

_ONR: k. Drea. tell me about u_

_LGB: y?_

_ONR: I told u I was a doc. _

_LGB: so?_

_ONR: and u r the most exciting person I've met in a long time_

_LGB: don't get out much do ya?_

_ONR: no_

_LGB: I don't either. I just moved here and I don't know any 1_

_ONR: why did u move there?_

_LGB: my husband died 2 yrs ago and I needed a change of scenery_

_ONR: I'm sorry_

_LGB: ty but I'm not_

_ONR: y?_

_LGB: he was abusive and he cheated on me. anyway I'm a doc 2_

*****

"Whoa, slow down girl. Don't tell him anything else."

*****

House sat up. "A doc as well?"

*****

_ONR: u r a doc 2?_

_LGB: yep_

_ONR: what kind?_

_LGB: 2 much info_

_ONR: y stay anonymous?_

_LGB: because _

_ONR: is that all I get from u?_

_LGB: …_

_ONR: fine. Hubby sounded like a prick_

_LGB: he was but I didn't know he cheated until he died. His girlfriends had the gall to show up at the funeral_

_ONR: whoa_

_LGB: yeah. It was like a bad movie._

****

Eileen's phone rang. "Eileen Simons."

"Eileen? It's Dr. Cuddy. Can you come down here for a moment?"

"Sure. Be right there."

*****

_LGB: gotta go. C ya l8tr?_

_ONR: better believe it. 7 eastern 2nite?_

_LGB: sure. C ya_

LIME GREEN BOOTS HAS LEFT THE ROOM.

*****

House sat back and ran a hand through his hair. "What the hell are you doing? You don't do cyber relationships because you can't do her." _**What about the porn?**_ "But that's not a relationship. Whoa, whoa, whoa!!" He halted himself. "Who said anything about a relationship?" If he could physically kick himself he'd have kicked his own ass by then.

The phone rang. "House."

"Get your ass down here."

"Cuddy, my Liege. Are you finally ready for the time of your life?"

PAUSE. "Get your ass down here."

"Where? To your office or to my knees in front of you?"

PAUSE. "Get your ass down here. NOW." CLICK.

House smirked. He so had her where he wanted her.

*****


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

"We're getting complaints about you and Dr. House." Cuddy said as she walked around the front of the desk and sat on the edge, looking down at Eileen who'd just sat down.

"Complaints? What are people saying?"

Cuddy's smirk was small. "Some people are tired of the fighting; others find the whole thing rather amusing. Still others are making bets on how long it'll take for the two of you to sleep together. "

Eileen looked at Cuddy in horror. "What?!?"

"The pool's up to $1,000. My guess came and went."

"WHAT?!?!"

"But while this is highly amusing it's counterproductive and disruptive. Something has to be done."

"Like what? Will this endanger my job?"

Cuddy shook her head. "Oh no, Eileen! Of course not! You are a tremendous anesthesiologist. We lobbied hard for you when we heard you were moving to Princeton after Charlie's death." Eileen squirmed in her seat. "We are honored and privileged to have you here but we can't have this nonsense."

"I'm not trying to bait him but…"

"The hell you aren't." Both women turned to see House leaning against the door jam, his ankles and arms crossed, his eyes narrowed at Eileen.

Eileen took a breath to compose herself. She disliked so much about Dr. House… so much except what she saw and she hated herself for that. _**I'm no different than Charlie, the cheating rat!**_ Her eyes followed the long planes of his physique, over his stubbly chin and into his blue eyes which sparked with understanding. He had seen her perusal and his eyes were taunting her. She turned back to Cuddy and crossed her arms after flipping her hair over her shoulder defiantly.

"You're baiting me because you like me. Well…" He limped further into the office and stood in front of her. He chuckled when she averted his gaze from his torso. "…I can take pity on fat girls and give you a spin if you need one."

Cuddy was clearly exasperated. "What is going on with you two? You've been at each other's throats since almost the first day you met."

Eileen uncrossed her arms, legs and stood up. Her gaze didn't flinch from his, each mentally challenging the other to make the first move. "Excuse me, Dr. Cuddy…" She turned away and looked at the woman in question. "…I have to prepare for surgery." Eileen looked back at House, turned her head away so fast she flicked her hair in his face, and started for the door.

"You do have a great ss though. From behind it looks like two throw pillows fighting over the remote control."

Eileen stopped as Cuddy gasped, a choking sound one makes when stifling their laughter. Eileen slowly turned around and caught the twinkle in House's eye. He was clearly baiting him and her first instinct was to slap him again. Hard. But she could see he was expecting that, again. Next came the impulse to ignore him, turn on her heel, and march out of the room. Again, she could see he was expecting that as well.

Then suddenly it hit her, something she knew he wouldn't be expecting. She stood up straighter, straightened the twin sweater set, smoothed her hands over her hips and smiled as his eyes watched the path of her hands. Eileen stepped closer to House, framed his face with her hands and gave him a kiss.

But it wasn't just a kiss. It was more than a kiss; it was the kind of kiss one gave their lover: slow, smooth, with her tongue slowly entering his mouth, caressing his teeth and baiting his own. He let out a low moan as his hands followed the path along her hips that hers just took. Before House could take the control from her, Eileen stepped back. "You know," Strangely, Eileen was having trouble breathing. "We probably should put away our little feud. What do you think?" She didn't give him time to respond as she turned and walked slowly but confidently out of the office.

*****


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6**

_**You kissed him because you had to put him in his place. That's all. There's nothing else.**_

_**Then why are my nipples tight, my panties wet and my stomach flipping?**_

_**Because it's been too long since you got some. SNAP OUT OF IT DREA!**_

Eileen rushed back to her office to get ready for the next surgery. She knew the situation was serious when she called herself by her late father's nickname for her, Drea. When she was younger he'd called her by her full name, Eileen Andrea, when she was in trouble. The older she got, and the more trouble she got into, the more he yelled at her. He eventually shortened the name to Drea, and it stuck, especially when he discovered how much she hated that nickname.

To call herself that wasn't good but it was the perfect name to give ONR. It was a name that only stayed in her family so no one else knew it. Her late husband didn't even know about it, as her immediate family had died before she married Charlie Simons and he never heard it.

_**What about ONR?**_ Her mind drifted to the man she'd been conversing. She'd known him only a day but already she liked him. He listened to her and he was already very different from any man she'd ever known. Truth be told she was already ready to meet him.

_**And that's what happens when you refuse to start dating again. You become completely irrational.**_

*****

House stood, stunned, as Cuddy raised an eyebrow and walked to her chair. He didn't look at her as he asked, "What the hell just happened?"

"If you don't know what that was I won't ask what you've been doing all these years." House didn't acknowledge her response as he stood up. Cuddy called after him. "Where are you going?" But he was out the door without looking back.

*****

Wilson smiled into the phone. "Really? And what color are your Pradas?" He paused and this time laughed aloud. "Oh, yeah. Red is very sexy. I prefer…" Wilson jumped when House threw open his door, marched in, closed it with a BANG, slammed his cane across his desk and sat down.

"Jimmy, she kissed me!" Wilson, who sat watching House with horror, gulped and blinked. House leaned forward out of his chair and snapped his fingers in Wilson's face. "Hello?? Are you in there? I said she kissed me."

Wilson seemed to have snapped out of whatever overtook him and, without taking his eyes from House, said into the receiver, "I'm gonna have to call you back." He didn't wait for whoever was on the other end to acknowledge him as he hung up the receiver. Wilson cleared his voice and pointed to the chair where House was seated. "And hello Dr. House. It's nice to see you too. Please have a seat." He rolled his eyes as House huffed again.

"She kissed me."

"You said that three times. Who is she? Sheila from the lunchroom?" Wilson shook his head. "Is she even talking to you after you asked her why her buns were furry?"

"That was a misunderstanding. How was I to know those were her real buns? Come on!"

"Then what do you want? And who is 'she'?"

"Eileen Simons!"

"The anesthesiologist, the one you called fat?" House nodded. "How did you go from calling her fat to her kissing you?"

"I have no idea."

"House," Wilson shook his head and looked down at the papers on his desk. "I don't have time for this. I need to…"

House shot up out of the chair and leaned over the edge of the desk, his face no more than two feet from his. "Oh you have time to talk to me, Mr. Rebel in Hush Puppies."

Wilson froze with his pen in mid-word. House watched Wilson's jaw work as he considered House's words without looking House in the face. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Damn it Jimmy. If you're gonna lie to me at least look me in the eye. There might've been a chance I'd believe you."

"How do you know about that?"

"That's not important Jimmy. What is important is: what am I gonna do about Simons the Devil Woman?"

"Whoa. You're coming to ME for love advice? Ran out of 900 numbers to call? Surprised to find they charge by the minute even for advice?"

"It's not love; it's irritation. Besides, I have another someone in the wings and this one is nothing like the Fat Cow."

"Stop calling her fat. She's not fat and you know it." Wilson paused then finally looked at House in the eye. "Just how do you know about the Hush Puppies?"

"I have my ways." House turned and limped to the door. "Oh and I make fun of your loafers because they're comfy and I want to wear them. We can't wear them both at the same time. Ta ta."

Wilson wasn't sure what he should do but now he knew he had to be more careful. It just wasn't fair; he'll never be rid of the man.

And he was never going to live this Shoe Board fetish thing down.

*****


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7**

For six months ONR and LGB left messages, IM'd and privately chatted … and for six months House and Eileen were at each other's throats. Oh not overtly…for the most part. Eileen worked hard to stem that. But the remarks were catty and sometimes they did go too far.

Like the previous week. Eileen rounded a corner and saw House walking towards her with his ducklings. They saw who came toward them, stopped in their tracks, pulled a 180, and practically ran for the hills. House smirked and shook his head but didn't take his eyes from Eileen. If House were honest with himself… a trait he never possessed… he would've admitted that the woman got better and better the more they saw each other. She was no longer fat (though she hadn't lost weight… she just wasn't fat in the first place); she was curvy with ripe breasts and impeccable taste in clothing. The woman knew how to dress to compliment her figure. House's eyes took in the sway of her hips that left him mesmerized. He whistled as she approached.

"Look at you! Are you the next Muu-Muu Swinsuit Edition Model?"

She gave him the finger. "And are you the next Gimpy Old Man spokesperson for Medimusal?"

House walked by her, slapped her rear end, and smirked. "Round and jiggly, like a bowl full of jelly."

Eileen didn't even think as she kicked his cane out and send him sprawling to the floor then pivoted quickly and landed her expensive brown platform pump on his neck, holding him in place. The hallway quieted as people wondered what she would do next. At least House was smart enough not to writhe under her foot. It was like he knew exactly how to act in just such a situation. "Weight does have its advantages." House's eyes followed her smooth calf up a little ways underneath her mid-calf straight skirt. His hand came up and he grabbed her calf, giving his fingers time to lightly caress the skin. It was smooth and incredibly soft.

"Are you going to let me go?"

"Not until you admit your ego weighs more than I do."

"That's not possible." She applied more pressure and he gasped but he wasn't about to fold to this woman, no matter how formidable an opponent she was. "Nothing weighs as much as you do…" His voice grew continually raspy as she applied more pressure.

"Oh for the love of… Dr. Simons, get off him!" Wilson sighed as he hurried over. "This has got to end. I can't play playground monitor for the boy who pulls the girl's pigtails."

"Then what do you suggest we do? He starts it!" Eileen asked, without removing pressure and without taking her eyes from House's.

House removed his and gasped, "Show me what you got under that skirt and I'll be willing to negotiate."

She narrowed her eyes. "You try anything and you'll be coughing up your gonads." A titter of laughter rippled through the crowd as she slowly stepped away from him. She watched House stand up and then she backed up and walked down the hall. Every time she saw him, talked to him, he stole a little something from her. He couldn't shut up; it was like he had diarrhea of the mouth or something. But she saw something in his eyes, something that was very faint at first but had grown over the last six months. If she hadn't known better she would've thought she saw admiration, then respect, then even a glint of attraction.

If she were really honest with herself she would've admitted she felt the same thing; if she were really honest with herself she would've admitted that she looked forward to seeing him because she never knew what he'd say. If she were really honest with herself she would've admitted that she liked how he had looked up her skirt, how he touched her, how he baited her.

And if she were really honest with herself she would've admitted that they had to stop having any contact with each other as they were far too volatile.

*****

ONR HAS SIGNED ON

_ONR: Drea?_

_LGB: hey doc. I've gotta problem._

_ONR: I've got lots of them. I'm an expert. How can I help?_

_LGB: LOL. I'm attracted 2 some1 I shouldn't like._

_ONR: I'm really not that bad…_

_LGB: very funny. I like u 2._

_ONR: I really should call you a slut at this point of the conversation_

_LGB:…???...._

_ONR: well, u r telling me, some1 u've talked 2 4 6 mos and have even slept with, that u like some1 else_

_LGB: cybersex isn't really sex u know_

_ONR: tell that to mr. stiffy. What's this about u liking some1 else?_

_LGB: wow, u used a lot of numbers in that 1 sentence_

_ONR: oh, I get it. nice._

_LGB: what?_

_ONR: touché. Great touch with the avoidance thing_

_LGB: what can I say right here? Its true… I like u both_

_ONR: so I'm just ur boy-toy? Ur go-to-guy for sexual frustration?_

_LGB: ONR, once again, cybersex isn't really sex. Besides, I met u on a shoe board. We talk on IM. This is fantasy; I have a real life u know_

_ONR: that's not making me feel any better_

_LGB: look, can we just focus on my problems here?_

_ONR: whoa, whoa, whoa. Wrong thing to say right there._

_LGB: look, I'm sorry. I'm just pissed off. Can we just start over? Please?_

_ONR:…what's it to me? what will you give me in return?_

_LGB: what do you mean?_

_ONR: u know what I mean._

_LGB: oh hell. Not now. I don't want to suck ur toes tonight. I did that last night…don't u wash ur feet?_

_ONR: but the way u stepped all over them just now… they really hurt._

LGB HAS LEFT THE ROOM

*****

House could hear the faint flushing of a toilet, his love life swirling with the water down the drain. Funny thing was: this argument hurt him just as much as the arguments with Eileen bothered him. What was happening to him?

*****


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8**

House couldn't believe how much her liking someone else could bother him. His logical mind told him it was inevitable; she wasn't flesh and bone to him. She was his cyber friend, someone he'd never met.

But that was just it. He'd never met her. She didn't know the House that he let everyone else see. She knew much more about him than even what he showed Wilson, and for the first time he'd loved revealing it to another person. He felt free to do it, and she wasn't rejecting him; she hadn't push him away. They knew nothing about their lives except each other, what made each other tick, what made each other think. It was refreshing and he wasn't about to let that go.

And, as House wiped his eyes and looked at the clock… 11:00 p.m. … he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep without making up to her. It was insane what Drea, and Eileen both, did to him. His medication was off; his brain was muddled. In the last six months both women had held his imagination captive and he hated it. He was powerless to their power over him.

House couldn't deal with both women at the same time. He had to deal with Drea, the woman who held his intellect and logic at bay. She was snarky and fun and strong as she held her own against his blows. And the way she lashed out at him, while it hurt him, made him want her all the more. It made him want to compete with this unknown man for her affections. He hated that too.

But if only he and Drea had had a physical relationship. It would make what he felt about…everything… seemed justified. But they didn't even have that. At this point in their relationship it was something his mind…and certainly his body…craved. Lately his leg had been hurting more, and no matter how much alternative pain relief he could get… oxycodone, alcohol, prostitutes… nothing seemed to work. Only when he talked with Drea did the pain dull.

And that's where the anger rose. He wasn't like that. House was not someone to let another person consume him. It wasn't logical; it made no sense to his analytical brain. But what could he do? No matter what he did, no matter how he tried to distract himself, all he could think of was Drea and what to expect from that unexpected woman. Her conversations were intoxicating, and he found himself, selfishly and almost feverishly, hoping he invaded her like she invaded him.

House couldn't think of a time he hadn't known her but he didn't feel he actually KNEW her. Meeting her in real life would give him the knowledge he desperately craved.

And oh how he wanted to touch her, feel her, smell her, make his mark on her and declare his right to her.

No, he wanted to meet her. He NEEDED to meet her. His couldn't take it anymore, and that need instantly evaporated whatever hurt her desire for this other man had created in him.

But suddenly Eileen Simons came to mind. "Where the hell did she come from?" House finally realized he'd been unconsciously putting Eileen's face and body to the woman on the other end of his computer conversations. When he thought of LGB he'd see Eileen Simons. When he remembered the words she typed, he'd see Eileen Simons typing them.

"I'm hallucinating again. I should call Dr. Nolan. This isn't fair…"

He was stuck between two women, one in cyberspace that represented everything he wanted in a woman; another in real life who embodied most of what he wanted but…

…she was real.

And that was going to change…

BUT... if he met Cyber Drea, he wouldn't have to wrestle with anything he could be freeing for Eileen Simons. That's how it worked, right? He could get one and push the other completely away. Yeah, that would work…

DING! House looked down and sighed with relief at the message…

LGB HAS ENTERED THE ROOM

_LGB: ONR? R u there?_

_ONR: I am here._

_LGB: I'm sorry. Really I am. I want to say…_

_ONR: no_

_LGB: no?_

_ONR: don't say anything. _

_LGB: ??_

_ONR: I want 2 meet you._

_LGB: …_

_ONR: well?_

_LGB: I have 2 think about it_

_ONR: damn it, don't think_

_LGB: y not?_

_ONR: because you'll say no._

_LGB: how do u know?_

_ONR: because this is insane but I have to meet you. I can't take this anymore._

_LGB: oh?_

_ONR: this isn't something I normally do_

_LGB: y do it now?_

_ONR: I don't know_

_LGB: that's not good enough_

_ONR: that's my line_

_LGB: what do u mean?_

_ONR: I'm the logical one. This role reversal is so weird_

_LGB: then y do it?_

_ONR: stop asking. Just tell me, yes or no?_

_LGB: I can't start anything right now_

_ONR: too late; u already started it_

_LGB: is this my 1 chance?_

_ONR: no but if u don't do it now u won't ever do it_

_LGB: if u believe that u don't really know me_

_ONR: I'd like to change that_

_LGB: …_

_ONR: ur hesitating again_

_LGB: I gotta go_

_ONR: damn it u r such a coward_

_LGB: that won't help me make up my mind_

_ONR: fine. 24 hrs_

_LGB: oh a time limit now? That doesn't help either_

_ONR: 24 hrs._

_LGB: fine. What time is it?_

_ONR: what time is it ur time?_

_LGB: 11:09 p.m._

_ONR: r u in eastern time?_

_LGB: yep. _

_ONR: Where do u live?_

_LGB: not now _

_ONR: fine. 11:00 p.m. tomorrow_

_LGB: fine. C u_

_ONR: ok_

LGB HAS LEFT THE ROOM

*****

"What do I do now? How come I couldn't say yes???" Eileen rubbed her tired eyes and closed her laptop. She had a lot of thinking to do.

*****


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9**

The next morning Eileen shoved a patient's folder across her desk. "Stephanie, please take this to him. I'm busy!"

Stephanie, the nurse from the surgery Eileen had worked the day before, sighed and rolled her eyes but shook her head. "No! You're just avoiding House. Everybody knows about the two of you. Hell, the office pool is up to $3,000. Would you just boink him already? My husband's birthday's coming up and he wants a new flat screen TV. I still have a chance of winning."

Eileen didn't know whether to scream or fire the impertinent nurse. Since Stephanie the Impertinent Nurse was union she was left to the screaming. Eileen growled. "Fine. I could just take it to his lackeys."

"You know that he signs off on everything his children do. Just take it to him and get it over with."

Grumbling under her breath because she knew Stephanie was right, she stood up, smoothed her tailored black trousers, straightened her baby blue cashmere sweater, and marched out the door, clutching the folder and leaving Stephanie the Impertinent Nurse chuckling behind her. When Eileen got to House's office she found it, and the adjoining conference room, empty, a laptop computer open beside his work desktop. She breathed a sigh of relief. _**Just get in and get out as fast as you can.**_ As she dropped the folder into his chair, her eyes caught what was on the screen of the open laptop. What she saw made her freeze with horror…

The blue banner that heralded **THE SHOE BOARD** was flashing across the screen, and the words 'WELCOME BACK ORANGE NIKE RUNNERS' made her nerves flick and her stomach churn.

Eileen shook her head as she backed away from the desk. "No, it can't be. It CAN'T be. The man I talk to every night, my best friend, the man I'm having feelings for is… the Antichrist." Eileen felt like crying…but was slightly thrilled at the same time, an emotion she'd never truly admit to. Eileen stood rooted in her spot, wondering what she would do next, when a sudden noise made her look up and she saw House standing in the doorway, warily eyeing her as she stood in the middle of his office. She silently prayed he hadn't heard her talking to herself but she wasn't going to stick around to find out. She moved quickly toward the conference room door, making a wide berth around House but he stepped closer and grabbed her arm.

He didn't say anything at first, studying the face turned from his. His eyes took in her flawless cheek; the beginnings of crow's feet at her eyes; her long, luscious lashes that fluttered with nervousness. Something was up and he was going to find out. "I didn't realize they let the Pillsbury Dough Girl in hospitals nowadays. Did you make that 'whoo hooo' noise as you squeezed past security?"

Eileen distractedly yanked her arm from his grasp and stumbled closer to the door. "Um… patient file." She swept her arm toward the desk.

He studied her closely. "What?"

"I left a patient file. I really should…"

"Why did you kiss me?"

Eileen, her mind still stuck on what she saw on the computer screen, couldn't compute his question. "What?"

"That day you kissed me. Why did you kiss me?"

"Um… I really need to…"

House, still watching her, was even more curious at her sudden change in demeanor and he stepped closer, surprising her when he pulled her toward him. His baby blues darkened as he studied her. "I liked the kiss. I guess big girls can give good lovin' too."

"Not like you'll ever know. Just… leave me alone."

"I can't do that." She didn't say anything as she tried to leave again but he stepped in her way. House wasn't about to let whatever was bothering her get past him, especially not when she'd become suddenly very important to him.

Eileen was looking down, avoiding his eyes. It was driving him batty.

"You might as well tell me what's going on."

She shook her head. "Nothing's going on."

"It is and it has to do with the kiss." He looked around his office then back to her. "You saw something in my office, didn't you?"

_**Lie to him**_, she told herself. _**But make sure you look him in the eye. You have a better chance of him believing you that way.**_ It was almost her undoing: the always beautiful baby blues were even darker when they were this close. "I don't know what you mean."

House, not believing her, said, "I'm going to find out soon enough. It might be less painful if you tell me now."

That got her attention and she switched to combat mode. "Are you blackmailing me?"

He shrugged. "Call it what you will but…" She shrugged him even further away and walked out the door, not missing the end of his sentence. "…I will find out."

*****

_**You can't meet him now. Dump him over the internet. Tell him NO and DON'T wait until tonight. Do it NOW!!**_ Out of all the possible solutions Eileen had been rolling around in her brain on the trek back to her office, that one was the worst of all. She didn't want to dump ONR; she just didn't want to believe that ONR and House were the same person.

_**...but…if we meet and he has no idea it's me, I'll have the upper hand. The man will be in the palm of my hand and he won't even realize it.**_

_**It could just work.**_

*****

"Jimmy!" House yelled as he burst into Wilson's office… only to stop when he found Wilson clutched in a passionate embrace. "Whoa! Look at those knockers!"

Wilson and the well-endowed woman pulled apart, startled by the interruption. House's eyebrow rose as he watched the woman hop off the desk and straighten her half-buttoned clothing. House looked at her shoes and smiled then pointed to her feet. "Ah-ha! Is this FLAMING RED PRADAS?"

Wilson, who'd quickly buttoned his pants and miss-buttoned his shirt, and the very attractive brunette stared at each other in horror then back at House. "How do you know that?"

House stared at Wilson without blinking. "I have my ways."

Wilson gulped and turned to the woman. "I'll meet you back at the hotel. Just wait…"

"Hotel?!? Whooo weeeee! You came here for a quickie? That's how long it'll last, you know."

Wilson looked like he was about to blow a gasket. "Easy for you to say, ORANGE NIKE RUNNERS." House's mouth opened then closed. Wilson chuckled and nodded then turned to the woman. "Carrie, I'll call you when I'm done here." The woman nodded and ran as quickly as she could from the room. When she was gone and the door closed, Wilson looked at House and stepped closer. "House, I know you're on the Shoe Board; I know you're Orange Nike Runners; and, judging from your messaging history, you're chasing after a woman named LIME GREEN BOOTS. Now, before you say one more word about me and Carrie…" House opened his mouth to do just that but Wilson cut him off. "…and yes, Carrie is FLAMING RED PRADAS… I want to know what you want."

House didn't say anything for a moment then, "At least PRADAS is a woman. I was about to ask when you turned gay on me."

Wilson rolled his eyes. "Oh brother." He shook his head and went around the edge of his desk to sit down. "I think you should forget about LIME GREEN BOOTS and go for Eileen Simons." He shook his head again. "No, the 'but she's fat!' defense doesn't work anymore. I've seen the way you look at her. You want her. Hell, I wouldn't mind a ride with her."

House shifted uncomfortably. "Then what am I to do?"

"Ask Eileen out. Meet LGB in real life. Fuck the hell out of both of them. Just pull yourself together and make a decision."

*****

ONR HAS ENTERED ROOM.

_ONR: LGB? It's not 11 yet._

_LGB: lets meet._

_ONR: whoa…what? Just like that?_

_LGB: just like that._

_ONR: ok. Where?_

_LGB: this is ur show cowboy_

_ONR: u decide._

_LGB: Fine. What state do u live in?_

_ONR: Joysey._

_LGB: do u live near Trenton?_

_ONR: not far. Where do u live?_

_LGB: does it matter?_

_ONR: I guess not but…_

_LGB: fine. _

*****

"Where? Where? What should I say??" Eileen muttered as she flexed her fingers toward her keyboard.

*****

_LGB: I live in PA_. _Ummm…ok. Trenton Marriott. This Saturday, 3pm. Hotel lobby. I'll wear my boots._

_ONR: y Trenton?_

_LGB: oh, NOW ur quibbling over little details? Last night u sounded desperate_

*****

Eileen took a few calming breaths. "What am I doing? What am I doing? What am I doing?" She certainly couldn't convince herself she was doing this to forget House; that point was moot the moment she discovered who ONR was. Then why was she doing this?

*****

House looked at the calendar. It was Thursday. Could he wait two days? He pumped his fist in the air. "YES!"

*****

_ONR: ok, ok. Fine. 3pm, Trenton Marriott, this Saturday. I'll make a reservation just 4 us just in case._

_LGB: …._

_ONR: what?_

_LGB: presumptuous aren't we?_

_ONR: hopeful_

_LGB: fine. u do that. I'll wear a black trench coat as well._

_ONR: will you be nekkid underneath?_

_LGB: wouldn't u like 2 no?_

_ONR: hell yes_

_LGB: I gotta go. I have to go out of town 2nite but will be back Sat morning. I'll c u then._

_ONR: u can count on it._

LGB HAS LEFT THE ROOM.

*****


	10. Chapter 10

**I realize there's been a long lapse from when I first posted this story. I had finished it a long time ago but had thought I had posted it all. I guess I hadn't. However, there's not that much left to go so please enjoy and again, I apologize for the delay! **

**CHAPTER 10**

The next day had been hell for both of them but for very different reasons. Eileen, who didn't have to go out of town but couldn't talk to ONR… um… Doctor House (she still couldn't bring herself to admit the truth even to herself) before their meeting in Trenton, was a nervous wreck. She avoided the doctor like the plague, even when he tried to talk to her.

And House was now so curious about her confusion and avoidance he had planned a scouting mission. He needed to root around her office to find anything that could give him any insight into the woman who was always, if only reluctantly, fascinating to him.

House learned that Eileen had a surgery at ten that Friday morning. He snuck into her office and found it cluttered but, for the most part, rather neat. He wasn't surprised at how almost clinical the office was, with nothing of personal value to her, like pictures, mementos, souvenirs, found in that small space. She didn't seem like the type of person who lived at the hospital like he did but even those with a clear determination to keep the personal out of the professional would have SOMETHING important to them. Doctors spent a lot of time away from home.

House slowly sank into her chair and rooted around for a personal laptop. She didn't even have one of them around. After ten minutes of physically searching the office for, well, anything, he hadn't been any closer to unlocking the woman than he'd been ten minutes before. Fine. It was time to break into her work computer.

He picked up her mouse to start using it when someone cleared their throat. For a split second before he knew for sure House had the feeling it was Eileen but hoped it wasn't.

He should've listened to his gut.

"What the hell are you doing in my office?" Her voice rose with every syllable.

He opened his mouth to offer some lame excuse but thought better and closed it.

She nodded and stepped further into her office, stopping a few feet from him. "Smart. Don't want to stick that clodhopper…" she pointed to his grey and orange… sigh. Eileen should've known. He even wore those shoes to work! How often had he worn those without her putting ONR and House together? "…in too far; how can you snark back if you do?"

"Very cute." But House didn't get out of the seat.

"I will ask again, slowly this time. What. Are. You. Doing. Here?"

"Yeah, that really helped. I completely understand now." He got up to hobble to her but she blocked his exit. He moved the other way, she followed. House smirked and lifted his cane. "Cute. But I don't dance."

"I'll save you the humiliation of trying if you tell me what…"

"You know, you can blame all of this on you."

Now she looked at House in confusion. "What? How?"

"If you'd just tell me why you kissed me, all of this would've been avoided."

"Why do you want to know? Are you kissed so little that you want to know what works on a girl?"

"Aren't you full of cute things to say?"

"Fine. I kissed you because you weren't expecting it." Eileen watched his face. "And I was right. Now that you know the reason…" she gave him a 'shooing' wave. "…you can leave now."

It was his turn to block her from leaving. "Oh but you know what they say…" House watched her eyes as he slowly moved his hands to her hips to hold her in place. He leaned forward, his warm breath caressing her lips. "…practice makes perfect." Before she even got the chance to protest he pulled her hips to his and placed his mouth on hers.

She did start to protest but involuntarily moaned as his hips gently ground against hers, and he took the opportunity to invade her parted lips with his tongue. They both gasped at the sensation, and her warm tongue involuntarily caressed his. His hands moved to her rear end and began kneading it, her hands squeezing his biceps in time to his caressing. They slowly broke apart and let out a low, deep sigh in unison.

"Looks like it was my turn to surprise," House rasped, his eyes greedily consuming her flushed cheeks, full, red lips and the red roughness of his prickly chin to her face.

Eileen gulped and took a step back. "We can't do this."

Her voice had been so low he had to lean forward. "What?"

She gulped again. "We can't do this."

"Do what? I thought you were just helping me…"

Eileen shook her head and put her hands on her cheeks, completely unable to look him in the eye. For the first time since she learned that House and ONR were one in the same, Eileen was actually glad they were the same person. That kiss, and his hands on her, would've made her that much more reluctant to choose between the two men. Now she wouldn't have to. But she needed to get him as far away from her as possible. Eileen finally looked at House in the eye. "I have a surgery soon and I forgot the patient's file. I have to go but if I ask you to leave will you?"

His hesitancy was all the information she needed and she sighed. "Fine. You stay here and try to find whatever it is you want to find. I'm going to work." She turned on her heel, grabbed what she came back for, and marched back to the door. She stopped and turned back to see House watching her, confusion on his face. "Oh and when you're done rifling through my possessions please lock the door. I allow only one intruder per day." Without another word or look back she closed the door behind her.


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER 11**

"I kissed her."

Wilson sighed with resignation as House slammed the door shut and dropped into the chair in front of his desk. "You know House…" House rolled his eyes as he twirled his cane in front of him with two fingers. "…every culture has a different language, a different thought pattern, a different way of…"

"Jimmy, I…"

"…thinking, a different way of acting." Wilson continued, ignoring House's interruption. He leaned forward and shook his cheapie Bic pen at House. "But do you know what means the same from culture to culture?"

"The number '69'?"

"Nooooo…" Wilson threw down his pen and shut his eyes to restrain himself.

"You mean only the United States has the inside track on '69'?"

"No, I…"

"Well, if that's the case…" House stood up and began hobbling around, without his cane. "…then we can somehow market this. You do realize the KILLING we could make if we…"

"People already do and you've given the porn industry enough profit to last them for years." Wilson sat back in his chair, the stiff leather creaking with his movements.

"HEY! I resent that!" Wilson's eyebrow rose at House's outburst. "Why pay for something when I can find it free on the internet?"

Wilson's eyes rolled. "Politeness. Respect. Did you know that if you knock on the office door in China there's a good chance they will also see that as a sign of respect?"

"Do you have a point?"

"I guess not anymore because you wouldn't get it anyway." Wilson sighed again. "What's going on?"

House's grin at winning… whatever that was… quickly left his face as he said, "I kissed her."

"Who'd you kiss this time? You do realize you can't go around kissing everybody you see. While yes, it may be acceptable in some countries, here it…"

"SHUT UP!" House roared to keep from knocking him with his cane. If he did that House probably wouldn't get what he came for and he couldn't risk that. House began hobbling around the office again. "Simons! I kissed her."

Wilson's eyes widened. "YOU kissed HER?"

"I didn't stutter."

"Whoa."

"Yeah. Whoa."

Wilson gave his head a little shake. "Then what's the problem?"

"What's the problem? What's the PROBLEM?"

"What are you, a parrot now? That's what I asked."

"DOCTOR Wilson, the problem is that she's Devil Woman. I can't be kissing her."

"Why not? Is she a bad kisser?"

"Hell no." House's quick, emphatic response was the icing on that answer. "And the way she felt against me…"

"She was soft, pliable and a fistful?"

House's eyes closed with the feeling. She had felt so good in his hands, in his arms. His fingers tingled with the feel of her hips, the soft roundness of her rear end, her plump lips against his. She was a round, shapely woman who knew how to use her tongue. He sighed his affirmation.

Wilson grinned. "And that mouth is good for other than snarking?"

"Oh God yes." House thought he would've come right there.

"Then what's your problem?"

Wilson's question was like a pail of cold water dumped on House's head. "What?"

"What's the big deal?"

"I can't get involved with her right now."

"And why not?"

"Why not?" House was as worked up as Wilson had ever seen him. "How can I get involved with Simons when I'm about to meet up with…?" House stopped, suddenly realizing he gave away information he had no intention of giving away.

Wilson's serious expression turned goofy. "Oh Hoooouuuuse…" He taunted, so close to laughing. House, mortified at his slipup, turned his back to Wilson. "…who are you meeting up with?"

"Nobody."

He had to strain to hear House's mumbled response but it was there. Wilson's goofy grin widened until his entire face hurt. "Oh come on! You can tell Uncle Jimmy!" House gritted his teeth but kept his back to Wilson. "Is it LIME GREEN BOOTS?" House whipped around and Wilson got the confirmation he needed. "Oh it IS! You're meeting LIME GREEN BOOTS! Soon?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh yes you do. You can't lie to me. I've seen the messages you post to each other on The Board, and I'm assuming you're IMing. I mean, when you go to your bedroom and shut your door during TV time at night, I know you're up to something. You really think you're the Master at everything? Think again."

House closed his eyes and wiped his face. He was discovered. "But I WANTED to kiss Devil Woman… and I WANT to meet Drea."

"Drea?"

"Lime Green Boots."

"Do you know anything about Drea?"

"Only that she's a doctor…"

"OH! A doctor! Whooo hoooo!"

"…who lives in Pennsylvania."

"Whoo hoo hoo! Way to go House! What else do you know?"

House's smirk was sideways and cocky. "You can't have cybersex with just anyone."

"You had CYBERSEX with her?"

"In many, MANY ways."

Wilson didn't know exactly how to process this information. He didn't care; he just wanted more. Without the visuals of course. "And how was it?" House shot him a look that said, _I ain't commentin'.'_; his smile said, _'You would be soooo jealous'_. "So what are you going to do about this?"

"I don't know."

"Why did you kiss Simons?"

"How could I NOT? She was railing on me for breaking into her office…"

"You broke into her office?"

"How else can I find out anything about her? She doesn't talk to me."

"Breaking and entering is never the way into a woman's heart."

"I don't know. Foreman seems to do ok." Wilson rolled his eyes. "Anyway…"

"You want them both."

"Of course I want them both." House rubbed his forehead with his thumb. "I almost wish they were the same person. It would make this choice thing a lot easier."

For once Wilson was actually sorry for the man. If he were in that situation… he would've seen both women at the same time. But since Wilson wasn't House… "So she was railing on you for breaking into her office…"

"Yeah and her breasts were heaving. God, that woman has a natural set that would make Pamela Lee hate her implants."

"You felt them up?"

"No but they were real enough pressed against me."

"Yeah, you've had enough experience with plastic blow-up dolls to know what is real and what isn't."

House scowled at him. "So what should I do?"

"First of all I think you're overreacting. You're acting like you have a future with either woman. Go to your meeting. When is it?"

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? Were you ever going to tell me?"

"No."

"Go to your meeting but don't make a decision at that time. Do what you have to do to steer you both in the right direction. But House…" Wilson sat back and sighed, steepling his fingers against his stomach. "…be prepared to be unpleasantly surprised. You met this woman on a message board for people with shoe fetishes. Don't expect…"

"So how is everything with Flaming Red Pradas?" Wilson's eyes took on a dreamy quality and House smirked. "I can take care of myself."

House started to leave but Wilson stopped him. "Where are you meeting?"

"Trenton."

"Trenton?"

House shrugged. "Her idea."

"Do you want a ride?"


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 12**

That morning Eileen drove to Trenton and got a room at the Marriott. She wanted to shower and give herself a pep talk about what she was really doing, why she was doing it, and how she would handle it. Of course, every time she tried she kept snowballing herself. Eileen couldn't think of anything but his powerful arms around her, his long fingers caressing her rear end; his scruff leaving an indelible mark not only on her skin but on her heart as well. "If only I didn't know it was him…I wouldn't have to play dumb. And he's too smart for his own good. He's gonna find out I know." She worked herself into such a tizzy that, still wet from her shower, a towel pulled around her and another turbaned around her wet hair, she slumped to the bed and nearly talked herself out of meeting him.

"It's too late now. You are such a coward. Do you want to prove this favorite nickname of Charlie's for you? Do you want to prove him right? House isn't Charlie; if it doesn't work out it doesn't work out." She paused.

"I want it to work out. It's GOT to work out. I'm in love with the man."

BRRRRRRRRIIIIINNNNNNNNG. House's phone rang and vibrated in his pocket and he pushed the sun visor up against the ceiling of the car. "House."

"Are you sure you didn't want me to come?"

"Of course. You'd cramp my style."

"Want me to call you at, like, 3:15, so you have an out?"

"Good idea. I hadn't thought of that."

Wilson paused. "I'm shocked to hear that. I would've thought you'd have every escape route plodded and the exits spotted."

"Nah. I think this is going to be good."

"Fine. Just don't let me forget to tell you 'I told you so' when it doesn't work out."

"Which reminds me: How's Flaming Red Pradas?"

Wilson paused again. "She goes home today."

"Annnnnddd….?" House prompted.

"Annnnnddd…what? She's from Texas. She has a job. Our relationship is long distance."

House shook his head. "You're gonna break it off, aren't you?"

"Whatever gave you that impression?"

"I have my…"

"House, you do NOT have your ways because there's no way you would know about this."

"Ok, then, the sex isn't great."

"House, the sex is fantastic."

"If the sex is so fantastic why are you breaking it off?" Wilson sighed. "Oh my God! She's MARRIED!"

"Of course she isn't. She…"

"OH MY GOD!" House chuckled as he pulled onto the Brunswick Parkway heading south. "She's MARRIED! Only you Jimmy my boy, only you."

"NO! I…"

"Gotta go." CLICK.

Eileen had no idea what to wear. She'd laid out everything from lingerie to a turtleneck and jeans. She knew she wouldn't be naked underneath the trench but… she wanted to hold all the cards. She wanted him to… to… what? Want her? Would he want her in a turtleneck or only if she wore nothing?

_**COWARD! COWARD! COWARD!**_

Holding her head up high, she sucked in a breath then grabbed some articles and quickly got dressed. By 2:30 that afternoon Eileen was ready as she grabbed a newspaper from her shoulder bag and made headway down to the lobby but had to stop after only a few steps. The boots were about four sizes too big and barely stayed on. She whipped them off, made sure her trench coat was tied very tightly and walked barefoot to the elevator.

As a general rule, she typically wore the trench coat over clothing, at least clothing that covered what the trench coat didn't. This trench coat stopped at mid-calf but left about 12 inches from the hem to the last button. It might as well have been a wind tunnel. She shivered not only in anticipation but the draft she felt up her legs and under the denim flouncy miniskirt she wore underneath. Above that she wore a black pleated lace corset top that defied the law of gravity in keeping her breasts up and inside. When women talked about thrusting their breasts up and out, the picture she gave them in this top was pretty much what they were thinking. It was strapless with black eyelet lace covering the bodice and a ribbon that tied underneath her breasts. It was a gift from Charlie, one that she hated to wear for him but suddenly relished in wearing for House… err, ONR. She had grabbed that and the miniskirt literally on the way out the door…and she was glad she did.

Thankfully she found the lobby deserted as she spied a sofa that faced the only doors to the lobby from the outside. Eileen sat down, slipped on her boots, looked at her watch… 2:33. UGH. This was going to be a long 30 minutes. She mustered all the courage she could to get herself through without throwing up from nerves.

"Oh why am I doing this? Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this?" She muttered to herself and, to hide her discomfort, Eileen opened her newspaper and covered as much of herself with it, acting as if what she was reading was the most important, most interesting thing she could've ever read. Eileen didn't know what it said; she was concentrating on not letting the paper shake. She looked at her watch. 3 minutes later than the last time she looked. "I can't do this. What am I doing?"


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER 13**

House found a parking space near the front and calmly exited the vehicle. With each hobbled step closer to the automatic lobby doors even his stomach churned. Would she be ugly? Beautiful? Old? A minor? He suddenly remembered his tongue-in-cheek comment about Dateline NBC and pedophiles. Was he stepping toward the death of his medical career? He didn't want to end up on camera. Just how would he survive in prison? Not shower?

_**Get a grip man. You can do this. You WANT to do this.**_ He then remembered Eileen Simons and how good she felt in his arms. He didn't want to have to choose between two women. He hadn't ever been faced with that. He didn't have the slightest idea what to do. When he got within a few feet of the door he took a deep breath and, throwing logic (and caution) to the wind he stepped through them.

After an agonizing block of time that felt like 30 days instead of 30 minutes, Eileen heard the SWOOSH of the automatic door and instinctually knew who walked through them. She gulped and held her paper up, her long legs crossed, her boots barely staying on. She heard a THUMP, THUMP, THUMP then nothing. She peeked around the corner and saw House standing about 15 feet in front of her, staring at her boots. He was, as promised, wearing his grey and orange runners.

The corners of his mouth were fighting to stay up, and his body was relaxing. She peeked again, only this time his eyes were gliding up her legs, to the long portion of naked leg that peeked out of the trench coat before it disappeared behind the newspaper. Eileen hid behind the paper again, suddenly relaxing. His approval felt so good… but not nearly as good as his touch against her. She suddenly wanted those hands all over her. But first…

She heard the THUMP, THUMP, THUMP as it echoed through the lobby. He stopped about 5 feet away this time. Suddenly she saw a cane emerge above her and slowly lower onto the paper, thereby revealing the person behind the paper curtain… and she was exposed.

HOUSEMDHOUSEMDHOUSEMD

The first thing House had seen when he stepped inside was those damned green boots. They were lime green alright… and they were cowboy boots… and their owner was wearing a black trench coat. But most of the person was covered with a newspaper that was shaking. _**Nervous? **_For some reason he grinned at this. It made him feel good she was as nervous to see him as he was to see her. He'd enjoyed the leg he saw; it was long, full but not fat. It meant the woman was healthy and wasn't afraid to eat. He liked that. He stepped closer, stopping about five feet from her when he caught some dark hair and an eye peeking at him from the side of the paper then quickly disappear. With a smile, House lifted his cane and slowly brought it down on the paper, thereby lowering it for his first view of LIME GREEN BOOTS.

It wasn't what he was expecting.

HOUSEMDHOUSEMDHOUSEMD

Eileen sat still as his eyes roamed over her. She could see he didn't fully compute what he was looking at, as he was silent and hadn't got upset yet.

That lasted all of about 5 seconds. Then…

House's eyes widened, his mouth dropped, and she guessed, for the first time in his life, he'd been completely and utterly surprised. He coughed then found his voice. "What in the name of…YOU!" He pointed to her. "YOU are LIME GREEN BOOTS?"

She nodded, trying her best to be just as surprised as he was but she wasn't that great of an actress. Eileen had been too nervous, too high-strung. She just couldn't fake anything. But she tried as she opened her mouth…pointed to him…but even she knew she wasn't fooling anybody. It failed miserably. "Dr… Dr. House? Is that you? What are you doing here?"

"Wait! You're LIME GREEN BOOTS?"

"And you're Dr. Destructo, Mr. Pistol, Mr. Sex-God-On-High?" House looked around with embarrassment.

His mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. "Wha…? I mean, how…?"

"Well, I guess this is a small world Dr. House."

"Big internet." She nodded, her hands fidgeting as she couldn't look him in the eye. He gulped and wiped his mouth. She could tell he was getting over the shock fairly quickly, and a slight twinkle entered his eyes…then quickly disappeared. He stepped closer as he caught on to her. "You aren't surprised to see me." She opened her mouth then closed it. His eyes widened. "You knew I was ONR didn't you?" Eileen nodded. "When did you find out?"

"Is that important?"

"You better believe it is. You knew and you DIDN'T tell me?"

Any sort of illusion that this meeting would've been something special immediately died for the both of them. It was quickly going downhill and both knew it… only House didn't seem to care. He was quickly growing angry and Eileen didn't know what to do about it. So she threw some logic out there. "How could I have told you? You wouldn't have believed me."

"If you'd come to me and told me you were LIME GREEN BOOTS from the Shoe Board I would've believed you. Nobody around here knows that; nobody but Wilson knows I'm ONR. But you made me meet you in TRENTON, of all places, just to humiliate me?"

"No!" She shook her head emphatically and quickly stood up. "It wasn't like that at all. I found out on Thursday…"

"…when you were in my office?"

She nodded. "You had the internet up when I dropped off the folder and I saw your user name."

"That was before you practically begged me to meet you."

"I didn't beg you!"

He stepped closer and she saw anger in his eyes. This wasn't going to end well. "You did this to humiliate me!"

"No! I…"

"Well, you win lady. If you were looking for a way to get rid of me, you found it. I don't want anything to do with either of you or the boots." He turned to leave but stopped and turned around. "What are you wearing underneath?" She felt like crying and wouldn't answer. "Are you naked?" She shook her head. "Take off your coat."

"Why?" Her voice was quavering as she fought against the tears and the shaking lips.

"Because I want to see what I'm rejecting."

She shook her head, tears flooding her vision, and turned to leave but he stopped her. "Take it off! You OWE ME that much." He ground between his teeth, fighting to keep his humiliated anger from leashing out onto her.

Eileen put on a surprisingly brave face as she unbuttoned the coat, untied the belt then chucked it. House's face hardened and his breathing nearly stopped. The woman was so beautiful he physically ached to touch her. His eyes brushed her breasts, skimmed her shoulders and took in the miniskirt. His erection hurt with engorgement but he wasn't going to let her see the power she had over him.

The power to hurt him like she did. Even he knew in the back of his mind he shouldn't be reacting like this but…damn it! Nobody steps on his pride like that!

He turned, without a word, and limped out of the hotel.

Eileen sat on the couch and cried.


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER 14**

BRRRRRIIIINNNNNNGGG! House yanked his phone from his belt. "WHAT?"

SILENCE. "House? Why are you yelling? Did you meet Drea?"

"Yeah."

"…and? Tell me about her. Is she hot?"

"Oh God yes."

PAUSE. "…and? Would you have sex with her?"

"Oh God YES."

PAUSE. "…and? Where are you now?"

"I'm leaving the hotel."

PAUSE. "Why? Hotels are full of beds, some even vibrate. Can't you just use one of those?"

"No."

PAUSE. "House. Would you cooperate here? How'd it go?"

"I was wondering when you'd get to that. Not too good there Jimmy my boy."

"Why is that?"

"Remember that little problem of mine?"

"Narrow it down; there are so many to choose from."

"Choosing between LGB and Simons?"

"Yes?"

"Not a problem anymore."

"What's the problem? You'd do LGB; she's hot."

"You know her."

"I know her…"

"Oh God, Jimmy, are you really that thick? LGB IS SIMONS!" House screamed into the phone as he pulled away from the hotel parking lot.

"Whoa."

"Yeah."

"Ok, then, I'll ask again. What's the problem? I thought it was a good thing."

"Normally it would be but this PROBLEM is that she knew I was ONR before I knew she was LGB."

"How'd she know that?" After House whipped into Parkway traffic he explained the situation. "Damn! She could put you to shame with her sleuthing skills."

House rolled his eyes. "She knew about me before we agreed to meet! She did all of this to humiliate me!"

PAUSE. "House, are you smoking something?"

"Just a bit of hashish I bought from my 5th grade dealer. No biggie. If anything it has a Big League Chew bubble gum after taste but nothing that would…"

House could hear Wilson's eye roll. "HOUSE! You are an idiot."

"Hey now, don't be slinging names around like…"

"You said she found out BEFORE she set up the meeting?"

"Yeah but…"

"When you met was she in disguise? Did you know it was her when you saw her?"

"Not at first. She was sitting on a sofa, hiding behind a newspaper."

"Was she wearing a disguise?"

"No but…"

"Did anybody you know from the hospital jump out from behind a potted tree in the lobby with a camera? Did someone catch you surprised, wide-eyed and humiliated?"

"No but…"

"That's right, no buts. She wasn't there to humiliate you; she was there because she REALLY likes you! Think about it House. She had the perfect opportunity to blow you off when she found out it was you but she took the risk because she wants to be with you! She wants a relationship! You're just royally pissed off because she gave you the slip. She got to you before you could get to her. My suggestion House: hold on and don't let this one go. She's a keeper."

House wasn't saying anything, just digesting the information as he sped north along the Parkway. Suddenly the realization hit him like the proverbial ton of bricks and he saw Wilson's logic. A sudden deep yearning for that logic to be correct overtook him and he almost slammed on the brakes in the middle of the Parkway. He had enough sense to just speed to the nearest turnoff and jump back on the Parkway.

"What's going on House?"

"I'm turning around."

"It's about time. Let's just hope your wounded pride in being mastered didn't make you lose her. Even as you two fought in the hallway I knew she was perfect for you. If anyone makes you this flustered… you two are going to be very happy indeed."

House agreed with Wilson though he would certainly never tell him that. He should've never left, especially when he saw that outfit. He ached to see her again.

And if it was the last thing he did he was going to make her his as soon as possible, if it would mean relief for his mid-section.

HOUSEMD!HOUSEMD!

Eileen contained herself enough to flee to her room. She debated about whether going home or not but decided to stay. She didn't want to see Princeton just yet. With a sigh she sat on the edge of the bed and thought about the meeting. The look of realization was classic…then the desire was certainly encouraging…then the rapid switch to anger was disturbing. When he forced her to remove her coat was humiliating enough… and the look on his face when he saw her? It was painful to think of his outright rejection.

Flinging herself back so she lain on the bed, her eyes closed and she drifted towards a disturbed sleep when she heard a pounding at the door. At first she hoped it was just her head; she wasn't in the mood to talk to someone. As the door pounded louder she realized it wasn't her head. She sighed and yelled, "Hold on!"

Eileen stepped to the door and looked out the window… to the beautiful baby blues of Gregory House. Her breath caught. She should tell him no; she really should. Her head screamed for a "NO! GO AWAY!" response.

Her heart won out.

She sighed, unlocked the door and yanked it open. House's eyes immediately went to her breasts in that corset top and she could see he'd made a sudden decision. He hobbled towards her, determined, and slammed the door shut as she was stepping back to avoid him. His long legs caught up with her. House grabbed her wrist, pulled her toward him, wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed his lips to hers.

Eileen wanted to fight; her mind, pissed off at her heart for opening the door in the first place, was pleading with her to fight him.

Strike two against the head.

Eileen moaned and wrapped her arms around his neck. He grabbed her rear end, pulled her hips roughly to his growing erection and licked her lips as he ended the kiss and pulled his head back long enough to murmur, "Nice to meet you Drea."


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER 15**

"Are you mad?" Eileen's eyes studied House's red lips. He didn't answer, his hands moving up her midsection.

He rubbed his erection against her abdomen. "Does this feel mad to you?"

She grinned and gave him a silly shake of her head. "No."

"How does it feel?"

Her eyes looked into his and she nearly gasped at his desire. "So good." She took his kiss and tightened her arms around his neck as he steered her toward one of the double beds. She stopped and pulled away. "Do you forgive me for deceiving you?"

"If I say yes does that mean you'll sleep with me?"

"As ONR? Or as Greg House?"

"Which do you want?"

Her eyes moved to his lips. She bit her own as she lightly caressed his stubble, lingering on the patch of white just to the left of his chin. Eileen leaned up and suckled it, drawing a breath from House. "I want both."

House growled and pressed his tongue into her mouth. He pushed her to the bed and climbed atop her, feverishly grinding her into the cushion. House suddenly pulled away and pushed himself up so he could look down on her. "Put on your boots."

"My boots?"

"Yeah…" House leaned his head down and suckled her breast, just above the corset. She arched her back and wrapped her left leg around him. He leaned on his right elbow and bit her ear as he skimmed his rough left hand up her thigh. "…I want your calves as chafed as my back."

She giggled and pointed to the side of the bed. He winked, pulled himself to the edge of the bed and used his long arms to grab the boots. He then sat up and moved to the end of the bed. Eileen spread her legs apart and his eyes feasted on the sight in front of her. Without removing his eyes from the junction between her legs, he slipped the large boots onto her feet. He ran his hands up her legs, over the miniskirt and to the waistband. Eileen arched her back again to give him access to the zipper in the back. He grinned as he removed her skirt and taunted, "I see London…" He growled as he eyed the slight pooch above her pink panties. He leaned down and lapped up her belly button, leaving her gasping and shaking. "…I see France…" He grinned wider as his hands traced the curve of her waist, then hips. His fingers teased the skin around the bikini straps of her panties and she squirmed, the teasing too delicious. House bit his lip as he slowly pulled them down her legs. "…I see Drea's underpants."

She moaned as his hands moved up and down her thighs, then gasped as he lifted her calves to bend her legs at the knees. He concentrated on the parting of her curls between her legs. "Forget London or France. That's the fuckin' Guadalcanal. Maybe even the Chunnel."

Eileen giggled as her head fell back. "Oh really? And what do you do with canals or tunnels?"

He grinned and parted her legs even wider. "You enter them."

Eileen groaned at the thought. Despite House's short hair she raked her hands through it as his rested his prickly cheek against her smooth thigh. "And how...OHHHH…" she moaned as House's breath caressed her triangle of curls. "…and how should one navigate…" Eileen shivered as House nipped at her thigh. "…canals or tunnels?"

"How?"

"Yeah…" Her head fell back again as he leaned forward, then he grinned when she jumped as the very tip of his tongue stroked her clit ever so slowly, his long, incredible fingers parting her curls and caressing her lips. "…how can I answer when you do that?"

"Do what?" His tongue, flatter and wetter now, lathered her bundle of nerves a bit harder and certainly more insistent.

Her chest heaved with his ministrations, her head dizzying and her nerves firing random neurons. House took a long, deep breath, her musky arousal penetrating his brain and stiffening his own arousal. "Tha…tha…"

"What?" House hot question was the most exquisite feeling on the planet. Eileen moaned his name, removed her hands from his head and placed them flat against the wooden headboard attached to the hotel's wall. She pushed against it as his tongue pressed into her opening.

"HOOOOUSSSE!"

He grinned, his scruff scrapping her sensitive, hot, wet skin. The woman was as close to crying with more joy than she'd ever experienced. "Canals and tunnels should be navigated…" House pressed his long finger slowly into her sopping opening and she nearly arched off the bed. He pulled his finger out then slid back in a bit harder, a bit faster. He stretched out beside her, his finger, quickly adding another finger to her great delight, moving quicker and harder in and out, his mouth settling to her ear. "…hard…" He licked her ear as her womb's rhythm picked up speed, her breath quickening with its rhythm, her hips moving against his hand. "…fast…" He kissed her jaw line to her mouth. "…and…" He didn't finish as she came in his hand, her body flushing, her head shaking from side to side, his name screamed from her mouth. House moaned as she clenched around his nimble digits, her breath almost gone.

Eileen didn't have a thought left in her head; her body was too numb and relaxed and high for that. She did feel, though, House's prickly lips move down her throat to her abundant breasts, all but falling out of the shirt by this time. House moved over her, bracing himself mostly on his left knee and running his hands behind her back. With his face still buried between her breasts, he lifted her to a sitting position and quickly found the zipper.

"Get out of your pants Greg," She breathed, still shaking from the orgasm, her hands moving from his hips to his zipper. She smiled at his prominent erection. "Can you even get out of your pants?"

"Oh hell yes. I'm too far gone to stop now." She worked his belt and zipper as he unzipped her from the shirt. He lifted it to over her head and gasped just as she gently pulled him from his pants. His fingers went to her nearest nipple but she stopped him.

"Get out of all of your clothes first."

For a man with a limp he removed his pants with a speed she didn't know he had. Soon they were both naked and he was pressed against her. House took her nipple in his mouth and suckled with an intensity that left her even more breathless than the orgasm he gave her. She took his prominence in her hands and felt him throb, his face against her chest, his breath shallow and quick. "Do you like that?" All he could do was groan. Her hands moved down his hairy thighs, her left hand involuntarily caressing his injured thigh. He tensed and hissed, flinching away from her, his head turning so she couldn't see his pain. Eileen gasped, realizing what she did. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head and closed his eyes, letting the embarrassment pass.

Eileen moved her hands to his cheeks and turned him to look at her. He was still having trouble looking her in the eye. "Hey." She leaned up and kissed him slowly and deeply, her fingers following the planes of his face. He pulled from her and sighed.

"Touch it again."

Her eyes filled with doubt. "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "Please."

"Ok." With one hand on his erection, she caressed his thigh with her other hand. Her distraction of his pain was enough to get him aroused again. With a grin, and a nimbleness that could have only come from her fantastic endorphin release, she flipped him over and slinked down his body, her tongue and mouth blazing a warm, wet trail to her destination. House moans increased the closer she drew to her target. She looked up and smiled. "I'm sorry Greg. Let me make it up to you…" Eileen leaned down and, with just the lightest of flicks, caught the bead of pre cum sitting on his erect penis with her tongue.

House hissed and bucked. "Oh Gawwww…" He leaned his head back, his chest moving up and down with his heavy breathing. He wrapped his long fingers in her hair, holding her above his penis.

"So sorry…" She muttered huskily then ran her tongue down the underside of his long, hard shaft. He groaned as she massaged his balls and lightly blew on the hot wetness of her saliva on his taut silk. He grunted then yelped when her mouth took him as far as it could, her tongue swirling, lubricating. Eileen gently grasped the base of the shaft and lightly caressed him.

"I'm…I'm…." He was speechless as her mouth filled with more and more of the pre-cum. Just when she thought he could come in her mouth his adrenaline kicked in and he hauled her up then rolled over her. He nudged her thighs open and settled between them. Eileen smiled and gasped at his moist penis teasing her entrance. She pressed his ass closer to her, wrapping her legs around his waist. "Condoms?"

He groaned. "It's too late for that now."

"Do we need one?"

His tongue dragged her jaw line and she hissed, writhing beneath him. "Will you get pregnant?"

"No. I could never have kids. Disease?"

He shook his head. "You have to have sex to get a disease."

Her eyebrows rose. "Do you mean all sex?" He shook his head again, clearly wanting to end the conversation but Eileen traced his face with her fingers. "The hospital seems to think you're the King of the Sluts."

House's smirk was boyish. "Don't believe everything you hear. Now shut up, I'm about to ruin the sheets."

She smirked. "Ok. Fine. But I'll make you a deal." Her fingers teased his nipples and she sighed as he hissed and leaned his forehead against her chin. She gasped as his penis teased her wet folds.

"Anything, just make it quick."

"Well…" Eileen wrapped her legs around his waist and her hands around his back. The boots she still wore were a bit awkward, as they were big and seemed to flop around. "…give me the best orgasm in my life and I'll keep your secret…" She grinned playfully, quickly forgetting about the footwear that were flopping about awkwardly as he pressed the head inside. Eileen nearly giggled with anticipation and giddiness. "…Gimpy."

He smiled as he grunted, "Whatever you say…Fatty." With one long, smooth motion he filled her to the hilt and she screamed, both from a shock of pain and the overwhelming pleasure.

"Oh Greg…"

He groaned, allowing himself to adjust to her sheath of warmth. "You are so tight…" House bit her ear. "…so tight and hot and wet. God, you're the best damned thing I've ever felt."

Eileen panted in time with her throbbing. "I haven't had sex since my husband died. I'm not used to…it's been awhile…" He pulled almost completely out then thrust back in. "…oh yeah, that feels sooooo…ummmm….good. It really is like riding a…ohhhhhh….bike…"

"Coooome ooooonnnnn…." House moaned as his thrusts became faster. "…I'm soooo much better than a….oooooohhh baby, yeah, that's it…bike…"

"Mmmmmm…" She kicked off the boots and angled her hips for deeper penetration. "….ooooohhhh yeeeeahhhh…just like that…" her fingers clawed him and her head went back. His prickly mouth found the junction of neck and shoulder, biting her when she wrapped her hand around the base of his penis and stroked his balls. His fingers found her clit and their progression to orgasm intensified as they stimulated each other.

"I bet I'll make you come first…" Eileen whispered, her voice quavering and breathless.

His movements intensified. "In case you missed it…." He groaned as her hand sped up. "…I made you come first."

"Bet you can't do it again."

"Never make a bet…hmmm….with me," He growled and took one of her sensitive nipples in his mouth. "…I always win."


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER 16**

Eileen awoke to the feel of something slightly rough on her chest, kneading her breasts. She gasped through her sleepy haze and scruff rubbed her neck.

"Hmmm…" she moaned as she snuggled deeper in House's embrace. His arms tightened around her. "…what time is it?"

House looked over her head and grumbled, "7:30 at night."

"Why so grumpy? Just because you lost…"

"You cheated."

"I did not cheat." Eileen smiled. "You came first. You just couldn't hold it. Don't worry; it's a common problem among men your age."

House growled and dove under the covers, ignoring her laughter and her efforts to push him away. Her laughter turned to moaning as he opened her legs and dove right in. "Can a regular guy do this?"

HOUSEMDHOUSEMDHOUSEMD

"Hmmmm…" Eileen moaned against his chest an hour later. "…I concede. You win now."

He grinned.

A sudden muffled rumbling filled the room and both adults giggled, Eileen hiding her face against the pillow. House's hand moved down and cupped her abdomen, his mouth nipping her earlobe. "Is someone hungry?"

"Somebody…" She turned to face him. "…wore me out this afternoon. I need to refuel…"

"…for another few rounds?"

"Oh yeah," She murmured and leaned over, her mouth greedily nibbling on his. House's hands cupped her face and he drew her closer. She reluctantly broke away and sighed. "You left because I humiliated you?"

It amazed House how a few simple words like 'left' and 'humiliated' were as effective as a bucket of ice from the ice machine down the hall. He pulled away and looked at her. "Just how much penance will I have to do?"

"Depends."

"On what?"

"Will you ever say you're sorry?"

He narrowed his eyes and she knew their playful mood was gone. "No."

Eileen studied him then nodded. "I know."

"You know?"

"Of course I do. You aren't one for saying you're sorry."

"You know that love means never having to say 'I'm sorry'."

"Ah. So, if you tell me you love me that will absolve you from apologizing?" Eileen nearly laughed out loud when she saw the hopeful look on his face. "No buddy. It won't work. If you tell me you love me it will be when you mean it, not to manipulate me. I can read you better than you think." She winked. "Besides, I don't need you to apologize. I also know you better than you think I do."

"That sounds scary." He muttered, pulling her back to him and wrapping his leg around her. "Just what do you think you know about me?"

She smiled and shook her head, running her index finger along his stubble. "No. You aren't pulling me into that conversation. Let's just say I know enough never to have this conversation with you."

"And I know enough about you…" He ran his hand through her thick hair and was struck, again, at the softness of the strands. He buried his face in her neck. "…to know that you'll give me a straight answer to a straight question."

"Unlike some people I know…" She squealed as he tickled her ribs, chasing her across the bed and trapping her underneath his long, powerful limbs. Eileen sighed and settled back in his arms. "What do you want to know?"

"Why you lied on the Shoe Boards."

"What makes you think I lied?"

"Come on, I saw you, felt you, with those boots on. You've never had sex in cowboy boots."

"It sure got your attention though, didn't it?"

"You dirty minx." He pulled her closer and ravaged her neck, stealing her breath. "I have another question."

"Ask away."

"You said you couldn't get pregnant. Why?"

She suddenly turned from him. Not about to let his new plaything out of his touch, he pulled her to him and spooned her from behind. "No that's not what I said."

"Yes you did."

"No I didn't. I said I could never have children. There's a difference."

"No there…" House paused. "…fine. There is a difference."

"Greg, I married my husband when I was 21. I got pregnant five months later. Three months into the pregnancy I miscarried. After the miscarriage the doctor found out I was riddled with fibroid tumors and would never get pregnant again. They soon became such a problem I had a hysterectomy by the time I was 24 years old. So no, I could never have children and I certainly can't get pregnant now."

House was silent for a moment then said, "Well, shit. That was anticlimactic."

She shot him a look over her shoulder. "Anticlimactic?"

"Yeah. The way your face changed there, I had been expecting something much more dramatic and tear filled. What a bummer."

Eileen rolled her eyes. "You really are a prick, aren't you?"

"You've always known that but here you are."

"Yes, here I am. I'm a closet masochist." Her voice held an edge of humor. His chest rumbled with his laughter, followed by her stomach. Eileen sat up. "I'm hungry. I'm gonna get ready for dinner." She turned over her shoulder and gave him a long, lingering kiss. "I'll only be but a minute."

"Noooo…" He whined, moving to bring her back but not quite catching her. "…come baaaack…"

"Oh for heaven's sake…" Eileen rolled her eyes then stopped. "You know, I need to take a shower." She stood up and faced him, her hands on her naked hips, her hair thrown wildly over her shoulders and eyes. She looked wild and uncivilized and, to House, absolutely scrumptious. "Care to join me?"

She giggled as he suddenly found a second wind and jumped out of the bed, following her to the room's bathroom. "Mmmm…." He murmured, shutting their door behind them and pressing her against the closed bathroom door. Eileen moaned at his erection pressing into her abdomen. "…how about a bath? My ship needs sailing."

"It feels like you don't really need water for that one. Your sails are standing straight up, ready for action my Captain."

House grinned. "Is this how it's always going to be with you?"

"What?"

"Double entendres, smart ass comments and risqué behavior?"

"Define risqué."

"I will when we get in that tub."

She laughed. "And if it is always like this?"

House shrugged, trying hard to contain his pure joy. Oh, this was no longer going to be boring. He couldn't wait. "We all have to make sacrifices. I guess I'll just learn to live with it."

Eileen watched House hobble to the bathtub, find the right water temperature and start the tub filling. "We'll both manage somehow. Only…promise me one thing."

"And what is that?"

"Promise me you'll never visit The Shoe Board again?"

House smiled. "I promise you'll never visit The Shoe Board again."


	17. Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

The next morning Eileen awoke to find the bed empty, the pillow beside her still bearing House's unique scent. She leaned over, smiled, and took a deep breath. When her eyes focused she turned on the light and squinted at the white piece of folded hotel paper on the pillow. She opened it to find the words:

GOT PAGED. PATIENT RUSHED TO SURGERY. CALL ME LATER. G

Eileen sighed. The life of a doctor was one thing but to actually start a relationship with one was something else. She hoped she was up to it…and that he was actually worth it himself. He could've wakened her though; why did he leave just a note? She groaned and sat up. When she stretched she realized House used more muscles in her body than she had ever felt. Not that she was upset, really.

Eileen swung her feet over the edge of the bed and padded toward the bathroom. She switched on the bathroom light and what she saw made her mouth smile, her heart swell, and her head still unable to comprehend everything.

Written on the industrial sized hotel mirror beside the bathroom with a lipstick dug out from her makeup bag were the words…

**ONR LUVS LGB**

**HAPPY NOW?**

"You have no idea buddy…" She whispered, her heart thudding louder with pride. "…you have no idea."

THE END


End file.
